


As It Slowly Fades

by draca (wyvernwolf)



Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-14
Updated: 2010-07-14
Packaged: 2017-10-10 13:32:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/100313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyvernwolf/pseuds/draca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gene tries to carry on as usual but something fundamental is missing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As It Slowly Fades

  
The first time Gene slips up, he doesn't even realise it.

"Tyler, get your overly feminine arse over here right now!"

His words are overly loud in the suddenly silent warehouse and the thought crosses his mind that this must be what it's like when people say you could hear a pin drop.

Pivoting on his heel, a pathway opens in front of him and he avoids looking at anyone as he marches outside. It's only when he's around the side of the building and hidden from view that he lets out the pained gasp he's been holding in. His eyes are burning and his chest hurts but he puts it down to the bacon buttie he had for breakfast that morning. He refuses to remember that he hasn't had a bacon buttie since that day. Too many memories.

Minutes later, he's back inside and shouting out orders like he'd never left.

No one mentions his slip.

–

_"What do you bloody mean there's no body? How can there be no body?" His shout is loud enough to make his head pound and he knows he should never had had that last drink but Sam had been insistent and Gene never could say no when Sam looked at him with those big brown eyes._

Skelton's eyes are red-rimmed as he stands in front of Gene. His hands are stuffed in his pockets and he's hunched over, shoulders drawn in and head down, the very picture of a kicked puppy.

"The car was empty, Guv. They looked everywhere but they couldn't find a- a body," his voice hitched at the words. "They think that with all the rain..." The sentence is left unfinished but Gene knows what he means anyway.

"Guv-" Ray says then but Gene shoots him such a furious look that his mouth shuts with an audible snap. Gene sweeps the room with one last glare, daring any of them to say another word before he storms into his office, the door slamming behind him with enough force to make the frame shudder.

He looks in wonder at his shaking hands. His skin feels stretched tight, his heart is pounding and a vice seems to have been clamped around his head.

He wonders if this is this what a heart attack feels like.

He never should have had that last drink with Sam.

\--

Gene's doesn't even try to protest when the Super orders his team to drop everything and deal with what Gene considers to be total waste of time case. He knows the only reason why the case even makes it to CID is because the "victim" is related to the Mayor. Rathbone is a born arse-licker but Gene's too tired to kick up his usual fuss.

There's not much that can make him care now.

"Right then. Raymondo. I think you know who to look for. Turn them upside down, shake 'em a bit and and see what falls out. Tyler, you and Skelton go have a nice chat with his bit of fluff. And the most important job goes to you, Flash-Knickers. A cuppa and some biscuits in my office."

He was already thinking about how fast they can wrap this up and get back to real police work when the lack of any noise registers. Looking up, he sees the three of them standing there gaping at him, their expressions ranging from confusion to pity.

And his heart sinks when he ran over what he'd said in his mind and realises what he'd said. To cover his reaction, Gene just shouts at them to get their arses in gear and that the case won't solve itself before he retreats into his office, slamming the door behind him.

Inside, he drops heavily into his chair and sinks his head in his hands. His chest is hurting again and he just feels tired.

"I can't do this," he mutters to himself.

\--

_Gene watches as Cartwright calmly deals with the condolences awkwardly offered by the rest of CID. He knows she's upset. A blind person couldn't have missed the red eyes and nose. It's understandable and expected. She and Sam were close after all, as thick as thieves with their daily girly talks._

Before, he'd never resented the time Sam had spent with her, understanding that they were just friends, but he resents it now.

His jaw clenches as he watches Phyllis hand her another tissue and give her a hug. He bloody well hates that she can grieve so openly whilst he has to do it in silence.

He's about to leave when her eyes catch his from across the room and the look in them makes him stutter in place. The sympathy and understanding he can see makes his stomach clench and he wonders how long she's known.

When she makes a move to come over, Gene hurriedly gets up and leaves. He doesn't want to listen to anything she has to stay.

She might have been close to Sam, but he was closer.

\--

Gene doesn't make his customary excuses or even try and get out of it when Rathbone invites him out for a drink after work. At the bar, he tries to swallow the shitty red plonk without spitting it back up and listens as Rathbone spends half an hour praising Sam. He calls Sam one of the most progressive DIs he's ever met then proceeds to say that whilst he understands that A Division are still recovering from the loss, it's time to move on. DI Henderson would be reporting in the next day.

Gene nods, makes all the appropriate noises before pleading tiredness and heads home where he proceeds to get blind drunk.

The next day he puts in for a transfer to London.

\--

_They never found a body but they have a funeral anyway with an empty casket. It's the least they could do. During the ceremony, Gene thinks that Sam would have been surprised how many people turned up. The skinny little bastard never did realise how many lives he touched with his stupid ways._

After all the words are said and everyone has left, Gene's left standing in front of the neat pile of upturned soil. The sun is setting and it's raining but he doesn't feel it.

His coat is soaked and his teeth are chattering. He's cold but all he can think of is the heat of a body pressed close and the feel of warm hands running through his hair.

He clings to the memory even as it slowly fades.

-Fin-

 


End file.
